Guilt or shame: what is the difference when you feel down?

You have been feeling down for a while. Your head is heavy and the world looks gray. Instead of support, you feel something else: guilt. As if you are the one doing something wrong.

Sound familiar? You are not alone. When you are feeling down, two feelings can arise that are very similar: guilt and shame.

What is the difference between guilt and shame?

Guilt and shame associated with sadness are similar, but are not the same.

Guilt says: “I am doing something wrong.” You feel like you are disappointing others. That you are a burden to your parents or ruining the atmosphere for your friends. You feel responsible for your gloominess, as if you are choosing it yourself.

Maybe you are thinking things like:

• My parents do so much for me. So why do I feel so awful?
• My friends want to do something fun and I withdraw again.
• I just need to act normal for a moment

Shame says: “I am wrong.” That goes a step further. You get the feeling that there is something wrong with you as a person. You are afraid that people will think you are weird or weak if they knew how you really feel. Because of that, you prefer to keep it to yourself.

Both feelings can be incredibly painful. They act as a wall between you and the outside world. Whether it is guilt, shame, or both, it can make you feel alone with your problems.

Do you recognize this? You are not alone.

Many young people feel this, even though we rarely talk about it.
At @ease, we often hear sentences like:

• I don’t want to be a burden to anyone
• Het valt eigenlijk wel mee
• Others have it much harder than I do.

So that feeling of guilt occurs much more often than you think. It is a human reaction, but it is not the truth.

In our next blog, we explain where that guilt comes from and what can help if you are struggling with it.

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