Teens feel stress differently than adults. You might say, “It’s just work pressure,” but for them, it’s a whole pile of stuff at once, school, tests, sports, friends, being seen online, feeling unsure about themselves. It stacks up fast.
At the same time, lots of young people keep it all in. They don’t want to bother anyone, or they just don’t know how to start the conversation.
In this blog, we offer practical tips for parents and educators to address stress with young people in a supportive and approachable way, without overwhelming them.
You don’t have to solve it, just be there
Grown-ups often want to fix things, it’s only natural. But for young people, that can actually make things harder. What really helps? Knowing they’re not alone.
Stress gets easier to carry when young people feel it’s okay to feel what they feel. This is a simple order that can help:
- Listening: giving space without filling it in
- Normalize: show that their feelings are logical
- Look together: only if they want, think together about what will help
Conversation starters: talking about stress
A good chat doesn’t have to be a big deal. The best questions are easy and open — and let the young person choose how much to share. That’s what makes it feel safe.
These are sentences that young people find pleasant and helpful:
- What was the most difficult moment today?
- What is still on your mind that you find difficult?
- Zijn er momenten op school die zwaar voelen?
- How can I be there for you?
A simple question that also works well: “Do you want me to think along or just listen?”
What makes a conversation awkward
Even when you mean well, a conversation can suddenly hit a wall. Young people pick up on your tone and how fast things go. These are a few common things that can get in the way:
- Coming up with solutions too quickly
“Then you just need to start your homework a bit earlier.” - Minimizing the problem
“It’s not that bad, is it? Everyone experiences stress sometimes.” - Compare
“When I was young…” or “Others have it much harder.” - Push through
“Just say what’s going on.” - Wanting to have a conversation in the middle of an argument
It’s better to wait until things calm down and say, “I’d like to hear how you’re really doing later.”
Also interesting to read
- 5 signs of stress
- Conversational techniques for parents and teachers
- 25 Ways to Ask Your Child How Is He/She
Frequently asked questions about talking about stress
Pushing hardly ever helps. Just name what you see (“Looks like you need a break right now”), let them know you’re there, and try another time. You could also say: “You don’t have to tell me now, but I’m here if you feel like talking later.”
Pick a relaxed moment, like a walk, a car ride, or doing something together. Asking “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “What got in your way today?” usually works better than “What’s wrong?”
For sure. A lot of young people like that it’s easy and pressure-free. You can say something like: “If you ever want to get things off your mind, @ease is always there to chat.” Looking for help nearby? You’re welcome to walk into any of these @ease locations.
They chat with a trained volunteer who listens, asks questions, and follows their pace. Nothing is saved, there’s no signup, and nothing is expected afterwards. After the talk, it’s up to them whether they want to take another step.
Our in-person and chat support is for young people under 25. But lots of parents check out our blogs and tips to better understand how they can help their child.