Heartbreak sometimes feels unbearable. Learn why it hurts so much, how to cope with it, and when talking to someone helps.
Sometimes heartbreak hurts so much that you wonder how you’ll ever get through it. You’re not the only one. Heartbreak can feel raw and overwhelming. We’d like to explain why it hits so hard, what happens in your mind and body, and what can help when it feels too heavy to carry on your own.
It can feel like your world is falling apart. Whether you’ve just come out of a long relationship, that one situationship has ended, or your feelings for someone aren’t being returned: the pain is real. People around you might say you’ll get over it or that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but in this moment, it doesn’t feel like that at all.
At @ease, we know that heartbreak is not an exaggeration. It’s a form of grief that can turn your life completely upside down. In this article, we explain why it hurts so much, how you can cope with it, and when it might help to talk about it.
Why does heartbreak hurt so much?
Heartbreak isn’t just something “in your head.” Research shows that your brain responds to social rejection in a similar way to physical pain. So that sharp feeling in your chest or that uncomfortable knot in your stomach makes a lot of sense.
When a relationship or connection ends, you don’t just lose the person. You also lose routines (like that morning text), the plans you made together, and sometimes even a part of your own identity. You might start asking yourself: “Who am I without them?” or “Was I not good enough?” Even if there was never an official relationship, like in unrequited love, you can still grieve what could have been. No matter how long or short it lasted, it makes sense that it hurts.
How does heartbreak feel?
There is no normal way to experience heartbreak. Everyone experiences it differently, but many young people recognize the following feelings:
- You feel empty, gloomy, or completely numb.
- You are angry or frustrated, at the other person or at yourself.
- You obsessively check their socials or read back old posts.
- You have trouble sleeping, or you just want to stay in bed all day.
- You are not hungry at all, or you are eating much more than normal.
- You withdraw and have no need for friends or family for the time being.
All these reactions are completely normal. Give yourself the space to feel this.
What can you do if you are heartbroken?
Although it takes time, there are things that can lessen the pain. Remember: you don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
- Let it be: It is okay to cry, scream, or feel bummed. If you bottle up your emotions, you will continue to suffer from them for longer.
- Take some distance: It often helps to (temporarily) unfollow that person. Every time you see a photo pop up, the wound reopens a little.
- Write it down: Sometimes it helps to put your thoughts on paper so that your head becomes a little clearer.
- Stay active: It may sound cliché, but a walk or some exercise helps your body release stress hormones.
- Be kind to yourself: Don’t set high standards for yourself. You don’t have to be back to your old self within a week. Give yourself time.
What if you don’t dare talk to anyone about it?
For some people, heartbreak is especially heavy because they can’t or don’t dare to share their feelings. Maybe you were in love with someone of the same gender, maybe your gender identity is different from what people expect of you, or it simply doesn’t fit. not your crush within your environment or culture.
It can feel lonely when you can’t talk about your broken heart. Maybe you don’t know how the people around you will react, or maybe you’re still figuring out who you’re attracted to. Know that your feelings are always valid and deserve space, no matter who they are for. You don’t have to figure this out on your own, and you can always talk to a peer with us.
When is it more than just heartbreak?
Sometimes heartbreak is the trigger for feelings that have been present for a longer time, in which case it is wise to seek help if:
- You still feel so gloomy after weeks or months and it doesn’t get any better
- You no longer go to school or work and cancel your appointments
- You have thoughts about hurting yourself or that you no longer see the point of living
- You use alcohol or drugs to suppress the pain
Talking about it can already provide a lot of relief and lead to new insights.
How can @ease help
Do you need a listening ear without immediate judgment? At @ease, you can just walk in or chat.
- It is free and anonymous, and you don’t need an appointment.
- You are talking to a peer who really listens to you.
- You can talk about your heartbreak, but also about everything that comes with it, such as insecurity or loneliness.
- It doesn’t matter who you are or were in love with; we are here for everyone.
Frequently asked questions about a heartbreak
For some people it takes a few weeks, for others it takes months. It really varies from person to person. And it’s not a straight line either: one day you might feel fine, and the next you miss that person intensely again.
Certainly. You have shared memories, and you don’t just erase those. Just because you think of someone doesn’t mean you can no longer be happy without that person.
Grieving a crush can be just as painful as grieving an ex. You’re not only losing the person, but also the hope and the possible future you had imagined. Take that seriously, and try to give your feelings the space they need.
Yes, absolutely. Our volunteers do not judge, and we offer a safe place where you can tell your story completely anonymously.