Many young people worry. Over and over, the same thoughts. About school, mistakes, friendships, or things that might go wrong. In this blog, you will read what worrying is, how to recognize it, why young people often hide it, and how you (as a parent, teacher, or other loved one) can start a conversation that actually works.
Worrying is not just a “teenage phase,” but a serious mental burden. For many young people, it feels as if their head never turns off. Especially at night – when it finally becomes quiet – the thoughts take over.
What is worrying, exactly?
Worrying is an overactive way of seeking control. Worrying looks like thinking, but feels completely different. While thinking helps to reach a solution, worrying just keeps going. It is as if your brain gets stuck in a loop:
- Thinking: I need to do my homework.
- Worrying: What if I fall behind? What if I can’t do it? What if I fail?
These are often worst-case scenarios. Thinking helps young people gain a sense of control over what feels exciting, uncertain, or unclear. But when it turns into worrying, it has the opposite effect. Their heads become fuller, they sleep worse, and they feel increasingly exhausted.
How do you recognize worrying behavior in young people?
Worrying is more often seen in behavior than in words. Pay attention to these types of signals:
- Poor or restless sleep
- Waking up tired
- Quickly becoming angry, emotional, or irritable
- Procrastination with schoolwork or obligations
- Difficulty focusing
- Constant ”What if…” thoughts
- Restlessness during the evening or before going to bed
Why don’t young people talk about it?
Perhaps you have already cautiously asked: “Is something wrong?” but failed to have a real conversation. Young people often hide their worrying because they think it will make you worry even more. Other reasons can be:
- They are afraid of disappointing someone
- They compare their worries with those of others
- They cannot properly explain what they are feeling
- They feel ashamed because they don’t have it ‘under control’
What can you do as a parent?
You don’t have to solve it. What helps young people most is space. No judgment, no rush. Our most important tip is:
Don’t start with a conversation, but with the setting.
Nist young people talk more easily when the conversation arises casually. So, not sitting acress from each other at the table, but:
- During a car ride
- While cooking or washing dishes
- During a chore or a walk
Remember that a good conversation rarely starts with: “We need to talk.”
Helpful phrases to talk about worrying:
“I notice your head seems full. Is that right?” Names what you see, without judgment.
“Which thoughts keep coming back to you?” Concrete and open.
“Is this a good time, or would you prefer later?” Gives control to your child.
“Do you want me to just listen, or think along with you?” Perhaps the most important question.
What you should rather not say:
- You should just think positively
- It’s not that bad, is it?
- Just tell me what’s going on
- You think too much
- Don’t worry so much
- You’re driving yourself crazy, it’s not necessary at all
These reactions feel like dismissal or even rejection to young people. They will then withdraw even further.
Read also our blog with 4 communication techniques for a good conversation with your child.
When does worrying become problematic?
Worrying is part of life. But it becomes difficult when it:
- Is present daily
- Affects sleep or energy
- Causes physical signals (headaches, stomach aches)
- Hinders concentration
- Manifests as gloominess or restlessness
- Gives the feeling that everything is “too much”
Do you recognize this? It can help to talk to someone outside of the home situation.
How @ease can help if you can’t find a way in yourself
Sometimes a young person wants to talk, but not with someone from their immediate environment. Not because they don’t trust you, but usually because they don’t want to burden you. It is then simply easier to talk to someone further removed from the situation.
At @ease, young people are helped by peers. We call this our peer-to-peer approach, and it is unique in the Netherlands. Young people feel safe, seen, and heard because they talk to someone their own age who doesn’t immediately give a diagnosis but simply listens. As a result, they experience space and recognition, gain more insight into their own feelings, and discover how to better deal with stress, uncertainty, or gloominess. This works preventatively and prevents them from struggling with complaints longer than necessary.
@ease is then a great first step. Conversations at @ease are:
- online or live at a location
- Free
- no appointment or referral required
- no waiting list
- conversations are 100% confidential
We do not provide a diagnosis, there is no registration, and no pressure. Only someone who listens and calmly thinks along.
Here you will find an overview of our locations and opening hours. The chat is open every weekday.
Frequently asked questions about worrying in young people
1. Is worrying in young people normal?
Yes. Especially during busy periods, changes, or social tension, it is completely normal for young people to think a lot. Worrying is often the brain’s way of trying to get a grip on uncertainty. It only becomes difficult if it returns daily, affects functioning, or if the head never seems to turn ‘off.’
2. Why does my child worry mostly in the evening?
Because it is quiet then. No distractions, no stimuli, and therefore plenty of room for thoughts. Many young people indicate that only then do they feel how full their head is. Thoughts return more strongly precisely while brushing teeth, showering, or in bed.
3. What can I say without making it worse?
Use open, safe phrases such as:
- “Which thoughts keep coming back?”
- “Do you want me to listen or think along?”
- “What do you need right now?”
Avoid reactions like “It’s not that bad, is it?” or “You should just think positively.” These can give the feeling that their concerns are not being taken seriously.
4. When is it good to seek help?
If worrying affects sleep, daily functioning, or if your child increasingly withdraws or seems gloomy. You don’t have to wait until things ‘really go wrong.’ Even in case of doubt or mild concerns, talking to someone, such as at @ease, is a good, low-threshold step.